You were born to be my baby, I was made to be your mum: Being a mum for the second time

Have you ever fallen in love with two men? 
I hadn’t thought that this could ever happen to me, but here I am feeling guilty for loving the one more than the other, trying to spend equal time with each one, feeling relieved when the big one is not at home and I find time to sit down and write or the little one is asleep so I can do the housework or play with his brother alone.

The comparison started when I was pregnant. As I had been very cautious during my first pregnancy avoiding several beauty related products, as I have mentioned before, I thought it was fair to do the same for my second child too.  

Even when I was in hospital the feelings were mixed. Although I felt gratitude for my new baby, at the same time I missed my son at home and worried as I hadn’t left him before.

When I became an aunt for the second time I realised that love isn’t divided, it can only multiply. So, I knew that having another baby doesn’t mean you will love your first child less, but what if he thought so?

Sometimes I want to apologise to them, to the big one because I can’t spend with him as much time as I used to do, to the little one because I can’t protect him from being hit, pushed, bitten.
Sometimes I want to apologise to both of them for not having enough patience, for screaming, for looking forward to the time they’ll go to bed, for not being a perfect mum.

It is not a secret that I have been in love with my first son since the moment he was born, in my eyes he is the most handsome, the most clever, the cutest boy in the world, but the little one has stolen my heart too. How could I not love him? Today it’s been one year since he captured my nights. He demands my attention and he is the reason I don’t sleep much. 

Even if I hadn’t given birth to them myself, I would still love them that much. How can you not care, not love, not defend two little souls who depend on you, who hold you tight when they are afraid, smile at you when they feel protected, cry for you when you go away?

Being a mum is such a hard work and it is so difficult to do the right things, teach them what they need to know, behave the way you are supposed to do as a good parent.

Happy birthday my little monkey!

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